The Unathletic Schmuck and The Multi Million Dollar 2 Inch Stretch

By: Isaac Moore

Nobody hates themselves today more than the Blue Jays fan who missed catching Aaron Judge’s 61st home run ball. Imagine coming within INCHES of LIFE CHANGING money and your 15 minutes of fame, but your inferior athletic prowess couldn’t get that arm stretched out two extra inches. In that situation you risk life, limb, and potentially being banned from the Rogers stadium for life and you GO GET THAT BALL. I don’t care if you break your neck falling 15 feet onto the bullpen catchers back in the process. If you live, you’re a millionaire. Instead you’re now the sorry schmuck that MISSED the 61st home run that we can all laugh at and hate because you were going to sell it anyway. (Even though we all would do the same thing) I'd like to think Aaron Judge knew what he was doing when he pulled that ball to left field directly toward the Blue Jays dug out, and avoided the dog and pony show he would have to put on for yet another fan.

What would my demands be, you ask? Simple, 100 Million dollars.

No, not really.

I like to think that I would be the good guy like Michael Kessler and give the ball back to its rightful owner and the man who accomplished the feat without any expectations, but it’s 2022 and I’d probably end up being a selfish prick and walking out of the stadium with my multi million dollar payday. Can you fault me?